Motherhood changes everything about your life. You can be told one hundred different times in equally different ways and you'll still be shocked when your turn comes. During pregnancy, I imagined life on "the other side" would be easier. With the cumbersome belly gone and all the pressures of big client work off my back I'd be able to concentrate on fine art, sitting down to illustrate a childrens book that I'd have time to write and finally being able to work on some stationary designs. I was giving myself a "year-off", my own self-made Canadian maternity leave, just like "everyone else" who wasn't a freelancer and had real employers who made them pay EI. The house would be spotless. Dinner would be ready (and nutritious, delicious and piping hot might I add). I even remember telling my husband that when the baby came, giving me relentless hours of free time, he should expect to never cook or clean again. What a beautiful, ridiculous dream I was living in.
I am blown away by amazing women such as Rachelle Anne Miller, Gina Perry, Holli Conger and Heather Castles who really seem to make being a stay-at-home illustrator/mom so effortless (even though I know it's not). Every day has it's challenges. At first I didn't even know if I'd get around to having a shower, let alone figuring out if I'd be able to get to the dust bunnies. These days the house is pretty clean, the bed is made and supper is for the most part on the table. The studio, however, is getting dusty. Or maybe I'm just starting to get rusty. Instead of picking up the sketchbook when Dexter hits the hay I find myself wilting on the couch with a bag of chips in my hand watching Supernatural or Modern Family. Maybe I'm still exhausted from my mom's surgery or maybe it's the lack of having a full nights sleep for over a year? I took a short visit to my friend, Amanda Woodward's studio and had a little pang of longing when I saw her working on a children's book. The beautiful sketches for her current project were so lively, fun and thoughtful. I'm pondering how to find balance in my life, how to carve out more time for my career. I miss it.
Also found time to see the AGA or Art Gallery of Alberta and a little coffee at the Three Banana's Café afterward without Dexter. Loved the exhibitions. Here's a little snapshot of the building, which I completely adore!
Ah yes. I have been thinking about this all week in the chaos of school holidays. Trying to be all things to all people, including myself, and not quite getting there. Trying to work on an illustration and giving up because I have so many other things to think about, or deal to. The eternal quest for balance. Good luck with it all!
ReplyDeleteAwww. Where to start? Thank you for the new mommy shout out! I love that photo of you, it's beautiful. I remember looking at your posts last year and being amazed at how much painting you were getting done. So much work with a little one, how did you do it? I got NOTHING done for ages and ages. Plus the house was a mess and dinner was thrown together after M went to bed until maybe 2 months ago (early to bed, early to rise around here). I heard Lilla Rogers speak a few weeks ago and the one thing that really stuck with me the most was to work at your best time of day. That we artists are like athletes. I had to accept that I don't work well at night. M naps from 1-3 and that is my window. I can cook/clean or I can work. Some people perhaps can do it 'all' but I cannot. Some weeks/days are for art, others are for family and home. It goes in waves. For you too it sounds like. It all adds up to a more well-rounded you. You may drop the art at times, but you'll never abandon it. It is so much a part of us that you can't fear letting it drift a little to enjoy other parts of life. This was a lovely read - I always enjoy an honest heartfelt post. :)
ReplyDeleteCarla - Thanks for the luck
ReplyDeleteGina - Thank you for the absolutely wonderful comment! It meant so much to me. I love the line: "I can cook/clean or I can work... Some weeks/days are for art, others are for family/home". PERFECT!!!
Moms can be incredible creatures as they are jack of all.
ReplyDeleteHI Crystal, I think as a mom, we always struggle with finding that perfect balance, and the "real balance" is always so different from what we'd expected or envisioned. Children are unpredictable munchkins who move to the beat of their own drum. Time evaporates far to quickly everyday, and often my clean laundry is left in their hampers waiting to be folded for days while I spend time playing or cuddling. I'm lucky to get the kitchen swept and last weeks' laundry put into everyones drawers.:) Even by kiddie number four, I have to constantly remind myself that IT IS OK...it will still be their tomorrow. But from the wonderful posts I have read about your thoughts on mommyhood, your priorities are totally in the proper place and you are doing fabulously! I think as a mom we want to do it all. I really admire how all you mommies DO do it with a freelance illustration career. You've been an inspiration to me to go for it myself! BTW I have started a new blog and have added you on my blogroll, please do pop by when you have a sec. (suzannedelrizzo.blogspot.com)
ReplyDeleteIt is so important to do something just for yourself, to nuture your creativity and interests. And carving out a little "me" time may feel a bit selfish some days but it is essential to keep you centered and happy, which in turn also keeps the family happy...because a happy, fulfilled mommy makes a happy family! Gina's comment was bang on too!Best of luck!
Both photos are nice! I'm looking forward to checking out the AGA myself, when I drag myself back to Edmonton for a visit!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about the trials and tribulations of being a freelance illustrator/mother. I'm still living in delusion about how carefree an experience that will be. On purpose! haha